A Van Gogh
by perishedlove
Summary: Someone needs to hear and someone needs to listen. Some desire to love and some desire to hate. Drabbles of SessInu. Rating depends on chapter.
1. Golden Eyes

Rating: K+

Theme: Golden Eyes

* * *

Golden eyes.

They looked back at him nonchalantly, not their usual sparkling splendor. Usually, those golden eyes just dared him to follow, provoked him to call out the owner's name in spite. But no, not now. That look made him wonder if those eyes would ever taunt him again. They were back to their normal icy composure, as if there were some wall, some invincible wall, blocking him from seeing the owner's true emotions. Were emotions even hiding there?

The owner – Sesshomaru.

How could Inuyasha ever forget? He and Sesshomaru went too far back to be casual around each other. Even his elder's kimono seemed to spit at him when his brother turned sharply to walk in the same direction he came in. Inuyasha stared and stared after him. Cruel, that's what his half brother was, just cruel. The hanyou shivered when he felt the chill of the air bite at his bare skin. It was all cold here.

He stood in the hallway; it was quiet. His brother's image just wouldn't leave him alone.

Golden eyes. How cruel. As Inuyasha looked about on the walls and hanging portraits of other demon lords before him that had ruled the Western Lands, he realized something.

They all had golden eyes, or close to it. Each and every one…

And that made him realize one more thing.

So did he.

* * *

_**All right, I haven't been feeling well lately. By this, I mean I've been sick for 3 months for one thing, and for another I haven't been feeling myself at all. I'm hardly even sure who I am anymore, some things happened and now I don't know what to think. I hope everyone understands. I think I'll be putting up a lot of drabbles from now on. I can't seem to make myself feel like everything's OK and that's when I write the most. Forgive me for rambling and for this, I just need someone to hear it.**_

_**-PL**_


	2. Dream

Rating: T

Theme: Dream

* * *

The room was warm. Inuyasha could feel the blood pumping through his veins, increasing the temperature of his heated skin. He pushed his chest flush against that of his brother's, eliciting a whispery gasp from the pale lips.

Clawed hands were wandering _everywhere_.

Inuyasha could feel _everything_ Sesshomaru was doing to him. Sesshomaru kissed his lips, biting down lightly and sucking as Inuyasha shut his eyes to feel. The elder moved to the younger's neck, making red marks on whatever piece of tan skin his teeth and tongue could reach. His strong hands worked to undo his obi.

It was all so blissful to Inuyasha, almost like a paradise. "I love you, Inu." He heard the deep voice of his brother utter into his perked dog ear.

Paradise…bliss…with Sesshomaru.

Inuyasha's golden eyes opened to reveal rage as he clawed at the back of the demon on top of him. A growl ripped through the throat of Sesshomaru as his right hand began to glow green and arch for an attack. "Half breed! What do you think you're doing?"

Inuyasha snarled back, pushing at the other's magenta-striped chest. "You may sound like him, you may look like him, but you are _not_ Sesshomaru!" Sesshomaru seemed to slightly lose the angry flare in his eyes. His eyes began to freeze over as Inuyasha continued to shove at him without avail. "The Sesshomaru I know would never return my feelings for him! Never! He hates me!"

The younger couldn't take it. He stopped trying to get this look-a-like away from him and turned away to look out the window, feeling like he could throw up. He could see the sun coming up over the mountains. What he couldn't see was the disappointed look on his brother's face.

Inuyasha's eyes shot open, for what _seemed_ like the second time that day. The first thing he saw was the world going on outside the window. The burning sun was going down; he had slept such a long time. He narrowed his eyes painfully, remembering. What a bitter, cold-hearted dream…

He stared out the window while sitting up silently, trying to catch his breath. There came a knock at the door and it slid open swiftly afterwards. Inuyasha watched as Sesshomaru's graceful lips moved. "Get up, mutt. Breakfast's ready."

And for just one moment, their eyes locked.

* * *

**_You can decide for yourself whether you think it was really a dream or not. I'm not exactly sure myself...I think this will be updating rather quickly compared to my other drabbles. Maybe every two ot three days? It'll depend I guess...but I hope everyone liked this as much as the first one. I'd hate to disappoint. _**

**_-PL_**


	3. Seating Arrangements

Rating: K+

Theme: Sitting Arrangements

Inuyasha stumbled into the dining hall, leaves and twigs stuck in his hair and dirt all over his haori and hakama. He'd been out in the forest again just to run. He felt it gave him some freedom from the stone walls of his brother's castle. Even so, he knew Sesshomaru would be furious to see him so filthy in his home.

His big golden eyes were trained to the floor as he walked to his designated place at the end of the table all the way across from Sesshomaru. He just couldn't bear to see another one of his elder's chastising looks that made him feel so stupid, like he had really done something wrong.

Everything was silent. Normally, Inuyasha had to wait for his brother to tell him he could begin to eat. That was another one of his dumb rules, but right now he didn't do anything. Then he heard it. Sesshomaru cleared his throat.

He almost moaned in aggravation. Sesshomaru always, always, always lectured him after one of those sounds. Inuyasha finally dared to let his eyes meet that of his brother's. Sesshomaru was glowering at him with the biggest frown Inuyasha had ever seen in his very long life. He was about to start explaining something that would make Sesshomaru not so angry when suddenly…

Sesshomaru stood up and began walking towards him. _Oh no…_Inuyasha thought, backing away from the table quickly. _Is this demon gonna kill me for getting some dirt on his floor?! _

It seemed that way as the mighty lord kept coming. His footsteps echoed ominously as Inuyasha tried to read Sesshomaru's expression. The half breed was going to start shouting some profanity…but Sesshomaru sat down. And he didn't just sit down.

He sat down next to Inuyasha's seat.

The hanyou blinked once, twice, and then another time to make sure his eyes were working right.

"What…what are you-" Inuyasha began to say.

"From now on, you will sit to my right as I will sit at the head of the table. You will not sit so far away from me. Are my instructions clear?" Sesshomaru's monotone voice rang out in the spacious hall.

Inuyasha stared. "Um, yes! Yes, they are." Inuyasha couldn't believe his ears. He thought about telling Sesshomaru it was his own senseless rule that kept Inuyasha away from his brother, but he decided that might make Sesshomaru even more irritated.

He just crawled back to the table, smiling lightly to himself, and waited for Sesshomaru to tell him he could eat.

* * *

**_Well that's the third one I guess. I thought of the idea within two seconds of telling myself I should update this again... is that saying something? I thought I should write at least one happy ending so this is it! Hope you liked this._**

**_-PL_**


	4. Death

Rating: K+

Theme: Death

_No!_

_No!_

_No!_

This is the worst thing that could have happened to him, just the absolute worst! It wasn't fair; nothing was fair. Everything and anything he held dear was suffering. The only thing he held close to his heart and mind was diminishing. It just wasn't right!

_The worst…_

Inuyasha ran.

This was all wrong. Sesshomaru was the one who was supposed to live longer; he was the full demon. Inuyasha was only half. Even the math made sense to him! So why couldn't life, why couldn't death, see that this was all wrong?

Tears were burning out his eyes. The wind was fueling them. And he ran.

He couldn't stay in that castle; he couldn't live with the realization that _he_ was gone. _His_ body was empty. The spirit was just missing…no, it had disappeared. Kami, this all made him feel like someone kept stabbing him over and over with a dull sword! And right through the heart.

_Ouch…_

Drip. Drip. Drip. The tears were falling now. Hah hah…they were falling from Heaven, mixing with his own diluted fluids.

His feet pounded hard against the drowning ground, leaves beginning to stick to him, body becoming very numb. Oh, how he wished his heart and brain would go numb and leave him alone.

Why? What happens when you die? What purpose does it serve? Sesshomaru didn't want to die, it's not like it was liberating him!

_You didn't want to go…did you?_

Sesshomaru would never want to leave this world that way!

_You would have stayed with me…right?_

Inuyasha would never, ever forgive God for doing this to him, to his brother. It was just wrong…Life was wrong. Death was wrong. Everything was wrong.

_I would have cared for you._

He still couldn't make it right, so he just kept running.

* * *

**_It probably seems like such a cliche, I know...but it kind of hurt to write this. They are my own feelings on death. Yes, someone close to me has just passed away, I got the news about an hour ago and I wrote this. I updated right away, so this is for my aunt. Heart attacks on planes is something unwelcome to me. Cancer is something I fear. I wish she would have stayed. I'm afraid to die...R.I.P._**

**_-PL_**


	5. Things Not Said

Rating: T

Theme: Things Not Said

Sesshomaru sat quietly as Inuyasha watched. He was always watching his brother.

They were currently residing in a field behind the castle, behind the gardens. They were away from everything: the people, the words, and the walls. It was peaceful to be here with Sesshomaru, at least on the outside. Tornados were raging in his mind. _Feelings I have for you are insignificant to you. _

But he doubted they would come to this spot again, Sesshomaru was just like that. So Inuyasha took up all the time he had staring at his brother. Why? Well, why not? They guy was perfect; he was beautiful. _I wish you were mine._

It was nightfall and the stars were beginning to twinkle in the milky sky. Inuyasha took a moment to look up at the bright stars and moon, because they too were a sight to see, but then went back to watching his brother.

And he could have sworn he saw Sesshomaru smiling at the stars; he saw his fangs sparkle. This made Inuyasha smile a bit wistfully from where he was standing a few feet from the full demon. _You're so pretty when you smile. It makes me feel warm._

Sesshomaru turned back to Inuyasha, now with an emotionless allure. "Must you look at me like that? Why are you staring, brother?" Inuyasha sighed and walked towards Sesshomaru. _Because I care about you. _

The hanyou sat down next to his sibling, now gazing upwards at the moon. Sesshomaru began to do the same after a few moments of silence. "I expect an answer to my questions the next time I ask." Came the cold voice. Inuyasha knew Sesshomaru didn't really care; he just needed that sense of authority.

"Whatever." Inuyasha remarked. _Okay. _"The moon's so beautiful tonight. It seems so different…" He said. _Just like you._

"Hm. The moon cannot become more or less appealing from night to night, Inuyasha." Sesshomaru scolded lightly. _Why must you always be so literal? Take a chance._

"How do you know?" Inuyasha said in his usual bratty and argumentative tone.

"Because I do." The flat voice responded, leaving no room for fighting back. _And you call me a coward, Sessho._

Inuyasha was back to staring at Sesshomaru without even noticing. It was just a habit. This time, though, his brother caught him quickly. "What are you doing?" Sesshomaru didn't even have to look at him to know.

But then the elder turned his eyes to meet his younger's. Inuyasha just stared back. _I want to kiss you. _

When Sesshomaru didn't get an answer, he stood up and began striding away gracefully, leaving Inuyasha alone. A bit of red leaked into his eyes. Why hadn't the mutt said anything?

* * *

**_Another sad one...Well I guess I should be writing sad things because it goes with the title of this whole drabble. I guess I should explain the title then...I called it A Van Gogh because I learned about Vincent Van Gogh in an art class I'm taking. My teacher told us about his heart-breaking life of misfortune and of his attempted suicide by shooting himself in the chest. He died two days later though, so is that really considered attempted? His last words were, "Who knew life could be so sad?" That really touched me and I decided I would write this drabble and give it his name. And so I believe everything should be depressing in this because that's how our dear Van Gough was. Wah la!_**

**_I think I'll write more about events in his life in later chapters...like a tribute or something. He really was a great artist and genius._**

**_-PL_**


	6. Everything I Want

Rating: K+

Theme: Everything I Want

Inuyasha lay away from Sesshomaru, on the other side of their bed, and looked away from him. The lord knew he had upset his younger brother again, but didn't know what else he could do about it besides wait for his gloom to pass. He certainly wasn't going to apologize for what he did, and he wasn't going to lie to Inuyasha to make things between them better.

He would rather just sleep alone and let it all pass. In the morning, they would be back to normal again anyway.

Sesshomaru watched Inuyasha with a speculating gaze. His brother was so childish. He would always brood and yell some curses at him whenever he did the littlest thing to displease the half breed. He really had no intelligence whatsoever; he relied on his natural instincts to survive in this world. Inuyasha was just lucky that he could actually stay alive on that alone.

But when Sesshomaru thought about it, he wanted someone childish to be with. He wanted to be able to loosen up around _someone_. All his life he'd been so concealed…he just wanted someone to release things to. Inuyasha was childish.

His eyes traveled down the body facing away from him, so all he could see was a muscular back. The golden eyes moved along the curves of Inuyasha's figure and took in the contours of his muscles. Inuyasha had a good build. He was handsome and strong. If only he combed his hair once and awhile…and maybe if he got rid of the dog ears, more people would see his appeal.

Sesshomaru thought about it. Inuyasha was a challenge to be around. He had a temper, didn't like to take orders, and never settled for less than he deserved. Sesshomaru hated submissive and frail women. He wanted somebody that would face up to him rather than run from him. Inuyasha's defiance infuriated him no doubt, but it also made him want to become better to defeat his brother. His brother was many things he wanted, really.

The Lord of the Western Lands sighed. If he could see the things he wanted in Inuyasha, why couldn't he tell him that? Why couldn't he love his brother the way Inuyasha loved him? He was fond of so many things in Inuyasha, but he just couldn't bring himself to really care for him.

He never wanted to break the younger one's heart like this, but it seemed he just couldn't make his heart love anymore. He was void of emotions.

That _was_ the reason why Inuyasha was angry with him after all. He had failed to tell the boy he loved him. And he didn't think he ever could.

But the next morning, Inuyasha kissed him in the hallway as always and Sesshomaru pretended like he cared.

* * *

**_Well this was inspired by a song called Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon. I definitely don't think this one is as good as the others, but I wrote it and didn't want to waste it. The thought of deleting something without anyone but the creator ever reading it scares me I guess...Anyway, I hope it wasn't too bad. This was due for an update anyway. Maybe I'll actually say something about Van Gogh next time...hehe._**

-PL 


	7. Designated

Rating: K+

Theme: Designated

Inuyasha smoothed out his hair quietly, hating the way the water rippled every time he moved in it. The water was warm against his skin, completely contrasting with the cold air outside of the bath. The water was clear; Inuyasha could see his whole body under there.

He didn't like that either for some other unknown reason.

The half demon let his body slide down the porcelain walls of the tub until the water came up to his golden eyes. The orbs glared down at the water pensively as his ears quirked on top of his head.

Sesshomaru had been away on this little 'business trip' for so long! He felt lonely and timid when he was alone in the huge Western Lands castle. The glorious abode made him feel so small inside. Even this bathtub was big! And the servants didn't like him anyway…

He came back to reality to find his eyes closed in darkness. He opened them slowly, watching his gray hair spread out over the water's tranquil surface. He always seemed to think too much when he was in the bath. Or maybe it was that he thought to clearly and he just didn't like it.

Inuyasha grabbed some oils for his hair from the side of the bath with a sigh, opening them without thinking. He tried to shake his head of unwanted thoughts but he really didn't think it was working. He watched the oils spill into his hand from the glass bottle calmly. It was only when he really looked at them did he panic.

Oh Kami no! These are Sesshomaru's special oils for his hair **only**! 

Inuyasha knew of the stupid rules Sesshomaru kept in the castle, and he knew Sesshomaru liked them to be obeyed. He was going to be killed for sure. Inuyasha stared at his hand, trying to think of a solution. He wished the oils would magically evaporate away.

He wished a lot of things would.

His mind reeled for the answer and suddenly it came to him.

Wait a minute, Sesshomaru's on a trip. Who knows when he'll be back? 

Inuyasha had always wondered why there were designated oils for he and Sesshomaru. Maybe his arrogant brother just wanted to keep all the good ones for himself. Bastard. He studied the liquid curiously until he decided it was safe.

So the half breed scoffed and immediately scrubbed the oils into his hair and scalp, not thinking another thought on it.

Inuyasha's jaw dropped. His hair had never looked better in his entire life! Not even washing and brushing it could make it look this good. He ran his fingers easily through the silver mane, not meeting any knots to rip at. The strands shined brilliantly in the candle light of his room as he continued to admire his hair's new appearance. His hair seemed almost like his brothers: beautiful.

Suddenly a faint knock came to his door and the wood slid open soon afterward. Inuyasha smiled, turning to the door, never expecting to see the person he saw in it. His smile broke and he went pale.

"Not anticipating my arrival home I see." Sesshomaru stated bluntly, striding into the room with his usual composure and grace. Inuyasha shook as Sesshomaru went past him. He went behind the inu to search in the closet for something. Inuyasha knew he had to act normal or his brother would definitely notice something was wrong.

"Don't you usually wait for someone to say 'come in' after knocking, ya bastard?" Inuyasha shot back in an angry tone of voice. He was relived to hear he at least sounded confident. Sesshomaru turned to him, regarding him with a cold stare.

"Why yes, Inuyasha, you-" Sesshomaru stopped mid-sentence, suddenly his nose was in the air sniffing. He forgot whatever his insult was going to be as he began to move about the room. "What is that smell? Is that you?"

Inuyasha felt his blood pressure speed up tenfold. "No." Wow that sounded convincing…Still sniffing, Sesshomaru was on top of him in less than a second. His head borrowed into Inuyasha's shoulder first, then his neck, and finally his hair. Inuyasha squirmed trying to push his brother away. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Inuyasha," His brother pulled away a bit and stared. "you smell…_good_." Sesshomaru's pointed eyes became wide, for once showing an emotion other than hate. Sadly, Inuyasha had become speechless at his brother's kind words. The older male moved closer to his younger, pressing their chests together as Sesshomaru craned his neck to smell Inuyasha's hair close up again.

He had lost his composure utterly as he pushed them closer to take in more of the delightful scent. He didn't even realize Inuyasha's faint blush reddening his cheeks.

Inuyasha thought things were going rather well until Sesshomaru pulled away and walked toward the exit abruptly. "Hey…uh…wait?" Inuyasha stammered. He was so confused. He didn't know what he wanted the elder to do: turn around and practically hug him again or run away.

Sesshomaru obviously didn't listen and only pulled open the sliding door, shifting slightly to call back to Inuyasha over his shoulder. "You will be punished for using my designated oils, half breed." And then he left.

* * *

**_I guess I was just in the mood to write this time. A lot of the little things I snuck in this chapter are things I normally think or do...Hehe. But yeah...today was a bad day. My heart's so weak, I want to leave it behind.. Heh..I feel another story coming on._**

**_-PL_**


	8. Time

Rating: T

Theme: Time

Yes, Sesshomaru remembers that sorrowful day just like it was yesterday. If only life would be so kind and turn back time to make it so that day really was yesterday.

Because if that day were yesterday, Inuyasha wouldn't be leaving him today.

That day, everything had been so quiet around the castle, like the walls beckoned him to leave and find something more profitable to do then stroll around looking regal. So the lord had gone outside his palace and done just that. He went to take a walk. He told Rin and Jaken that it would be short and he would be back in no time to take care of boring matters (not that he really said the word boring).

Sesshomaru had walked for a long time, just wandering about, not really thinking on what to do with himself or time. His feet had led him in no particular direction, and Sesshomaru hadn't even felt like they were taking him to somewhere important.

How wrong could he have been? How could he not know someone needed him?

The silver-haired demon had suddenly stopped dead in his tracks when he heard a dreadfully pitiful whimper coming from a clearing ahead of him. His elfish ears had twitched slightly and his golden eyes had widened a fraction when he realized the over-powering scent of blood filling his nose. It had really made him want to throw up everything inside of him.

Sesshomaru had stepped forward hesitantly; he wasn't usually a demon to help others near death. Though, he could not have helped to notice that the scent underlying all the blood was strangely familiar; it had made his heart jump.

The Lord of the Western Lands had finally stepped through the bush leading into the foul smelling clearing, gazing upon the half-corpse spreading out over the now crimson ground. Sesshomaru stared; even he for a moment had not recognized the person through all the hazy red and strewn flesh. But nothing could have masked the fact that he could see dark, sticky dog ears sitting just a few inches away from a gray head.

Sesshomaru had then done something he never expected. He had thanked the gods afterwards that Inuyasha had been unconscious and couldn't hear him. It had rung out throughout the clearing and maybe the whole world with how loud it was. It was painful sounding and it hurt his throat a good deal after. He had been so frightened…

"_**AHHH!!" **_

Sesshomaru grimaced. That day had been the worst in his entirely-too-long life. Inuyasha had never told him what had happened to him, and Sesshomaru partly never wanted to know. All he knew was that he never wanted to worry like that again.

Sesshomaru looked behind him to his bed, which currently held a sleeping hanyou.

It had been a month since he had seen Inuyasha in that state. It had been three weeks and five days since he decided to take his brother to his castle to be taken care of by his best healer. It had been two weeks and a day since the idiot had woken up and spoke to him. He had said, "Bastard," and smiled with cracked lips. It had been a week and three days since he started walking and doing things himself again. It had been three days since Inuyasha mentioned getting out of the castle to go home.

And it had been three days since Sesshomaru contemplated kissing him to make him stay.

Inuyasha stirred somewhat, pulling the covers closer to his body, as the older turned to glance back at him again. "Awake?" Sesshomaru whispered.

"Yeah…" Inuyasha replied in an even quieter tone, opening one huge golden eye. It had healed from the bruises quite well. Inuyasha's ears had also grown back white and fluffy.

"Good." Sesshomaru said, not really meaning it in the slightest.

* * *

**_Well, I have to do this quick because my sister wants to get on the computer. Trust me, I would usually say more. Anyway, I don't really know where this came from...I just thought I should update and then the idea just hit. For some reason I really like this one though, probably because Sess loses his composure...I always love that! So, I hope everyone liked it as much as I did. Next time I hope to talk about my beloved Van Gogh...By the way I took my art final today! I think I did well..._**

**_-PL_**


	9. Letter

Rating: T

Theme: Letter

Sesshomaru stood in his summer robe, leaning forward over the balcony. His robe was thin for the heat and was colored a milky white with a pale yellow obi to match the flower petals found randomly over the silk fabric. The lord had tied it loosely so it hung lowly under his hip bones.

He was leaning outward toward the setting sun over the iron railing of the small balcony he stood on. He wanted to fall, but knew it to be useless.

He wouldn't have died anyway.

Sesshomaru wrapped his long fingers tightly around the bars, his claws piercing into his palms somewhat. His mind was screaming at him, but the world around his body was so quiet and serene. The falling sun made the colors of pink and purple seep across the sky and clouds, some stars coming into view of the sharp eye. There was a calm breeze that blew his silver hair away from him, making him appear to be even more beautiful in the setting.

No one would have _ever_ noticed that the golden eyes were beginning to swim with hot tears. No one except his brother…

Footsteps sounded behind the Lord of the West, but he didn't care to move. He could smell the scent of one of his loyal servants and waited for him to approach. A boy that looked no older than a human at the age of sixteen suddenly stood at his right, where his only arm was.

"My lord, a message has arrived for you." The servant held up a folded piece of dirty parchment tied with a black strip of leather. It seemed so old. Sesshomaru stared at it for a moment with a raised brow. His eyes then flickered back up to the boys', making him flinch.

"Who is this letter from?" Sesshomaru was not in the least curious about it and right now he really didn't care what it said. He was too busy thinking for this kind of nonsense work. All he wanted to do was be alone.

The boy swallowed before replying. "It is from your brother, Inuyasha." Sesshomaru could tell the boy was trying to keep a straight face, but his fear was evident in his clear blue eyes. It reminded him of Inuyasha.

And Sesshomaru did not blame the boy for being frightened. Truly, he felt like slapping him for saying _that name_ in his presence. But instead, he kept his aloof composure and carefully took the bound paper from the offering hands.

He dismissed his servant, who left rather quickly, and then turned back to the sunset. He really wanted to rip up the letter in his hand and forget about the whole thing. What else could he do besides forget?

But his pale hand took the leather bow in the center and tugged at it to make it fall to the floor of the balcony. He unfurled the contents and began to read the words Inuyasha had wrote to him…

_Sesshomaru:_

_It's been a long time, hasn't it? At least it feels like it's been an eternity…We haven't fought and I'm really starting to become anxious for the next time we meet. I miss the thrill our fights bring me; it's the only time I can become close to you. Even if I have to hurt you or you have to hurt me at that time, it's worth looking at you up close._

_You know, I'm so close to catching and killing that bastard, Naraku. I just wish you could be here to share in the victory, but I know you have business in the West to attend to. When I finally return home, I'll bring you his head as a gift._

_I also want to tell you something important when I come to your castle. I really need to speak with you. I guess I'll tell you some of it in this letter since I don't know when I'll actually get there. _

_Sesshomaru, I have always thought of you as beautiful. You're everything to me and you're all I ever think about. I know it sounds stupid, but I want you to know just how much I care. You're more than my brother to me and I can only hope you'll return my feelings. I guess I'll find out when I come home, but…I think I'm in love with you…_

_I hope this letter gets to you before I do. _

_-Inuyasha_

Sesshomaru was absolutely crumbling. He was collapsed on the ground, consumed in sobs and tears. His arms were wrapped around his body, trying to stop the racking. His claws were completely burrowed into the skin and muscle of his arms as he squeezed them. His breathing was ragged and his hair fell over his dipped down head. This demon was a wreck. And yet he couldn't stop it; the sorrow just kept plunging its sword deep into his heart.

He gasped and looked up at the night sky and shining stars. His cheeks turned white as the moon reflected off the tears. The gorgeous scene seemed to be out of place in his mind. It should have been raining and thundering. The world should have ended all together that day.

He glanced at the last sentence again. Of course the letter had gotten to him before Inuyasha had. This one letter would have meant the world to him if…_if_…

He slashed the letter to shreds and the wind blew it off his outstretched hand, letting it scatter to the ends of the earth and making his brother's words immortal. He took one last gaze at his lands and the tiny flakes of paper floating away from him. Sesshomaru then ran inside to try to sleep it all off.

This one _late_ letter would have meant the world to him if Naraku hadn't killed Inuyasha yesterday in battle.

* * *

**_Well that was a bit depressing...stares at screen I guess I was feeling a bit down today. And for some unknown reason, the thought of receiving a letter to me is sad. Normally when I get letters, it's bad news or someone telling me they miss me (which makes me feel touched yet depressed). Anyway, this idea literally came to me in two seconds and my fingers just kind of did the rest. I think it's pretty good for something I randomly fabricated. I especially like the thought of Sess on a balcony in a thin robe during summer drool So tell me how it was?_**


	10. An Escape

Chapter 10: An Escape

-This is a **WARNING**. This chapter will not be like the other ones. This chapter is not for the light-hearted. If you cannot read about the consequences of depression, then read no further than this **WARNING**.-

Oh God he was choking.

His throat burned lie someone had lit a fire in his stomach. The flames were spreading. The sense part of his mind wondered whether it was the bile or the tears that he was choking on.

He could hardly tell the difference between dry and wet anymore. The sadness was so overwhelming. His body was just too small to take all the emotions.

His mind was screaming at the two figures outside the castle's dark windowpane. But the sad thins is no one's listening inside your mind. He knew that…

The desolate halls echoed with the sounds of someone sobbing and gasping for air.

_Crrrrrrack…_Everything was crumbling. Just everything…_Help me, please…_

He'd been feeling as if his brother had been unusually cold to him lately. It all made sense now. He didn't have time for him anymore; he was in love.

He felt his heart wrench and twist and his knees shake uncontrollably. He was kissing that woman right now, holding her, touching her, _loving_ her.

And he bet that he was nowhere in his brother's thoughts. That had to be what hurt the most.

His brother would never know how he felt. Never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever…

His eyes were blurry and hot. Everything was bubbling over now. He sank against the stony wall and hugged his legs to his chest. His heart was too weak.

The pain hurt and just kept hurting. There was no way out, he realized.

He was trapped and doomed in his love obsessions. And he probably would be forever.

_Just make it stop!_ One clawed finger was shoved desperately into the back of his throat in an unrivaled hurry. _Just get this feeling **out of me**! _It seemed everything besides the loneliness and hurt he felt left his body on spilt onto the floor.

The claw of his finger once again scraped the back of his throat, drawing blood into the mix this time. The images of his brother and that woman were still swimming in his brain, taunting him.

He laid on the floor face down in his own mess, beaten by himself. He only wished for one thing as his brother kissed someone that wasn't himself.

An escape.

_**This is from any brother's P.O.V. you want it to be from. I'm sorry if there was any confusion, I just couldn't choose who I wanted to be heart broken and who I wanted to be happy. That would be horrible.**_

**_I'm so sorry. This chapter isn't about my passion for anime. I started this to make sad one-shots people could feel and love. I named it A Van Gogh for that very reason. And now I can't write about anything except the way I feel! I know I like someone very much and this is how I feel about him. He has no idea who I am and he'll never know this is for him! I hate it. But I know it's for the best. I hope his girlfriend knows how lucky she is. And once again, I'm just sorry about everything…_**

**_-PL_**


	11. Hurt

Theme: Hurt

Rating: T

No. So far, it didn't really matter what happened to him, his body. Up until now, it never really occurred to him that this might have happened to his body.

Hurt. That was his state of being. Two long and deep claw slashes ran from under his eye, down his neck, and just to right above his heart. There was a scratch across his forehead. A few were streaking his legs. There were several adorning his arms, not just from his brother. The tree branches had sort of caught his skin and…

It all just hurt. The blood was making a puddle around him. He could see the fire from the torches on the wall reflected on its surface.

Not only cuts decorated his tan flesh. There were black and blue marks on his arms and legs from being kicked. A nasty one in particular colored his lower stomach yellow and purple. His face was tinted red from being slapped so many times. He didn't mind, though; only because his brother was the one doing the damage.

Sesshomaru.

Suddenly, now that Inuyasha had messed up, he decided to care. No he didn't care, he just noticed. Caring was too warm of a word to describe his elder sibling's actions.

A magenta-striped hand raised, claws sparkling menacingly with the fingers outstretched.

This was OK.

Slap.

This was better.

Slap.

_This was better than being ignored._

Inuyasha was on his knees; his body wasn't ready for this kind of treatment. He breathed heavily, waiting for more blows. He didn't mind if Sesshomaru killed him. As long as his brother was looking at him and actually seeing him, everything was just fine.

_I would die a thousand deaths for you if it would just get you to notice._

"Why do you insist on disobeying me, half breed?" Sesshomaru's eyes were unfeeling and unsatisfying again. That was the only thing that got to Inuyasha. Sesshomaru looked at him, but with eyes of nothing. _Unsatisfying._

He lifted his small body, opening his mouth to speak. "I merely went out into the town, my lord. Nothing more-" His golden eyes widened as he realized he was staring up at the ceiling; his right cheek bone smarting from that punch. One tear escaped the corner of his eye. Just physical pain, nothing emotional.

"Didn't I tell you specifically _not_ to go outside of this castle?" Sesshomaru stood over his body. Inuyasha didn't answer. His mind wanted a release from this hurting body.

_I wouldn't just cry a river, but a waterfall to prove how much my heart truly aches when you leave me alone._

There was more pain, but it was OK. Sesshomaru was looking. He was noticing. And that was all that ever mattered.

* * *

**_By the way, Inuyasha's just a kid in this one. Sesshomaru barely an adult. I've been out of writing for a while, I realize. I don't know what happened, but suddenly I just didn't like anything I was creating. All the inspiration kind of just poofed away one day. It's weird because once I start being happy, everything just flies out the window. I'm only good when I'm sad. What kind of life is that, right?! Well, I hope this was OK. Inu's a masochist, sheesh. I don't know when the next chapter will come, sorry._**

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	12. A Way With Noticing

Theme: A Way With Noticing

Rating: T

Sesshomaru stood somewhere in the buzzing crowd; he couldn't tell anymore. He watched silently with uncaring, yet searching, eyes as demons and demonesses surrounded him. They just passed by without a second glance in his direction. He wasn't the center of attention this time. This banquet was not for his sake.

For once it bothered him that no one was concerned about his well-being.

His royal robes were clean, his hair was brushed thoroughly, and his claws had even been painted an emerald green to match his kimono. He looked decent, he was sure. His outer appearance was orderly, in control. What raged on the inside was somewhat of a monster from hell.

His mind had been blanker than his constant expression ever since he had heard the news.

Inuyasha was leaving the family. He had chosen a mate finally.

_Finally._

Did the lord really feel that word in his heart?

Sesshomaru stilled his breathing when he felt it was getting slightly harder to do so. He turned on his heel, facing a nearby wall, no one noticing him again. The Lord of the West felt like panicking. He hadn't cried in years and he was scared that if he did it now, all the feelings he tried so hard to suppress would just slip back into his body like poison.

It was like pouring salt into an open wound. It just frightened him all the more thinking about everything he would lose.

He leaned against the wall, not worried about anyone thinking anything of it. They weren't going to care; they weren't looking for him. He bit his lip and let a tiny shiver run through him. It seemed to shake out all his fears and calmed the demon somehow.

His head was spinning. He felt like going to bed, but he knew he would disappoint Inuyasha if he weren't there.

Suddenly cheers and howls erupted all around him; he felt so isolated. He turned toward the center of the room, pushing off the wall. Inuyasha stood with a lovely demoness on his arm.

He looked radiant. _You take the breath right out of me…_

Inuyasha's eyes were scanning the crowd, smiling and shining. He stood there proudly with his chosen one. Their eyes met for an instant and the younger's lips quirked upward. Sesshomaru thought about trying it for once; maybe he could do it?

But no. He just nodded. Then Inuyasha's eyes broke the contact. And it was over.

It wasn't worth it anyway. He couldn't change anything.

The celebration lasted for hours, and yet it felt as if eternity were right there, mocking him. His brother left with his mate. And the next morning he was alone.

No one noticed. His brother _had_ always had a way with noticing...

* * *

**_Well in case you didn't know, that last line was sarcasm. Inuyasha never notices anything (Example: Miroku and Sango). So I guess this is kind of a sequel to chapter 11 in a way. The roles are just reversed this time. I just wanted to write something from Sesshomaru's point of view for once. I like it because he's harder to write than Inuyasha. Inu's too emotional. Anyway, I'm pretty sure you can see things are going so well anymore. More updates soon I think. A storm's brewing._**

**_-PL_**


	13. Snow White Obsession

Theme: Snow White Obsession

Rating: **M**

White ears…There was white snow…falling all around him. He basked in the luminous glow…until the white snow turned red.

Red snow fell…all around him…and he laughed.

The lord had to be honest with himself: those white fluffy ears brought back such good memories of his childhood. They reminded him of…bunny ears, of all things. Of course he knew they were dog ears; he wasn't stupid, but still…the snowy white and cuteness jogged his memory to an earlier day.

They reminded him of his first hunt. He had gone with his father after a tiny, defenseless bunny to build up his confidence. It was so white…and its ears twitched on top of its head with every noise the lord had mistakenly made.

And its pink eyes had gotten so incredibly wide when he ripped its flesh open with his razor-sharp claws. Blood had spilled over his face and into his mouth. He had become addicted and ate every last bit of meat on that bunny. How delightful it was…

Inuyasha's dog ears reminded him ever so much of that glorious moment.

He didn't know how it started, or even when. He just wanted to own those ears for himself.

He licked his claws. He was already half way done; why not finish the job?

The boy underneath his gaze twitched and screamed out in torturous pain when his hand felt for the missing appendage on his head. Tears littered the floor, unable to be detected in all the other fluids on the ground. Everything was soiled in red, unable to be washed clean again.

Sesshomaru smiled deviously and got up off his knees, now spotted crimson. He looked down at his hopeless bunny, Inuyasha, who now lay trembling spasmodically. His golden _eyes were so wide with fear_. His lungs panted for proper air, some not drenched in that sickly copper scent.

Sesshomaru was practically drunk over the pleasure of causing his brother to react this way.

He was so crippled, so helpless, for the taking. The lord glanced at the feathery soft pieces of fur wisping through the air. Those were from the first cut. His hand tightened convulsively around the damp severed ear in its palm.

One more slice, and the ears, the obsession, would be his… Was this wanting so wrong?

Inuyasha cringed and tried to scream again in vain; his throat was probably bleeding by now with all that shouting he was doing. Sesshomaru leaned down again, stroking his baby brother's cheek with his finger. "Do not worry, little one. All will be over shortly."

The younger moved erratically, trying to run for the door he knew was locked, trying to call for a savior, trying to save his soul from this monster before him. "Please! Stop!" He rasped. But his actions were meaningless when in one swift flick of the elder's wrist; his other ear was dissolved from his head.

Sesshomaru watched as his claw cut the flesh away from Inuyasha's head, his hair now becoming evenly colored with red on both sides. The claw moved under the ear, scoring through veins and skin. It satisfied the lord to no end to watch this. It was _so fun_.

White snow began to fall around them again, little white hairs resting on the air. And then the red, _oh yes_ _the red_, fell in droplets of blood.

There was no cry. There was no resistance whatsoever. The body fell limp in Sesshomaru's lap; eyes wide open with tears still streaming out perpetually. The jaw was dropped open, letting blood tickle out in drops down the side of his face.

It began as a chuckle, small and slightly amused. Then it escalated to all out guffaw. The blood was in his mouth and it was rapture.

Sesshomaru finally had what he wanted!

He held the small pair of ears close to his heart and closed his eyes, beaming. He felt like he ruled the world.

* * *

**_This is what results when you read way too much Godchild manga. No really, if you thought this was kind of interesting, go read Godchild. I love it so much, I'm addicted. This also came from the songs: Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace and Trash by Korn. They're both really good. Anyway, I know this was kind of scary, but the idea came to me when I was really upset obviously. I had trouble writing it because I can't really see myself doing this to someone...Sorry about that? Well anyway, I tried to make it as dark and gruesome as possible so I hope you enjoyed. More will come soon... I think._**

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	14. Illness

Theme: Illness

Rating: K+

I don't know what came over me.

Suddenly, that day, when I walked into your room to find you doubled over, blood spewing from your mouth, for the first time I felt like I needed to do something for you. You had been working, looking over your scrolls. How typical of you to still be a lord when you're ill.

You were in _pain_. That was something I had never truly seen from you before. I was shocked for a few moments.

Your tired golden eyes were locked with my wide ones. They said 'go away', but something deep within in my heart stirred and I couldn't leave you. I just couldn't leave you to suffer alone. I wanted to _save_ you from whatever you were going through.

I don't know how long you had been sick without telling me, but you're getting worse every day. The healer didn't go into much detail. She said you were being torn apart from the inside out. You were bleeding internally.

I'm almost frightened to go see you, take care of you, because I know I will be met with the same gloomy stare that tells me to stay away. I will see all the blood, everything you ate. I will watch you and hold your arm during those short moments of immense hurting inside of you. I will be met with a sick demon, too prideful to admit his body's slowly giving up.

I don't want to see you become so weak.

You were always the one I would run to when I was hurt or got a cold as a child. I've never taken care of you before. You're the older son, the protector, the teacher. I can't change that. You were always the stronger one in battle. You, Sesshomaru, were always the perfect brother.

Inuyasha put the basin of water down, steadying himself on the bureau next to the bed. He put a clawed hand over his eyes. All those times he thanked Sesshomaru for doing something for him…would they ever come again?

Sesshomaru tilted his head to the side, leaning a bit limply with the extra weight. He coughed, "Is something wrong, Inuyasha?" He continued to cough, covering his mouth with pale, bony hands. The lord blinked when he was finished, slumping his shoulders slightly when there was silence to his question.

Inuyasha listened intently. Sesshomaru hadn't called him anything like 'mutt' or 'hanyou' since this whole thing had began either. A tiny piece of him wanted to hear an insult. His confident, able brother was never nice.

Inuyasha sighed. "No, I'm fine." He pulled the hand away from his face, smiling kindly even though he was hoping to see Sesshomaru all better when he put his hand down. Sesshomaru stared, obviously analyzing his brother for the truth. He didn't have much time, though. His stomach began to feel like it was being ripped in half by hands pulling in opposite directions.

He growled lowly, leaning over and draping a hand over the aching area. Inuyasha moved quickly, steadying his shaking brother by holding his shoulders. He could tell Sesshomaru wanted to scream. The younger stared at the stark-white blankets over the elder's legs, letting his chin rest on Sesshomaru's shoulder.

_And no matter how much I don't want to see **it**, I take care of you and your illness every day._

_

* * *

_

**Everyone in my house has been feeling sick lately so that's where this came from. I'm sure more updates will be coming in the next few weeks since I only have about 6 days left of school. Part of me is upset by that: I won't be able to see certain friends anymore. Depression makes for great stories though. So why not deal with it? Thanks for reading.**


	15. Childhood Innocence

Theme: Childhood Innocence

Rating: K+

Sesshomaru walked through the field behind the castle slowly, not really caring whether he missed it or not. It was dark outside so they would be able to see everything in the sky that night. The stars were twinkling high up there and the moon cast beams of light in all directions. The lord almost walked into Inuyasha due to the fact he had his head bent back, gazing up at the purple and black sky.

Inuyasha smiled up at his brother, excited about seeing his first comet. "Come on, come on! I wanna be right under the comer when it goes by! Mama told me it leaves sparkles from its tail all over, do you think some could fall on us?" Narrow, gold eyes stared for a moment, mouth unsure of what to say.

He looked back up above him. "They're called comets for one thing, not comers. Yes they have 'sparkly' tails, but it's not going to get that close to us. Nothing will reach to fall on us." Sesshomaru didn't move his head, but glanced down at his side for Inuyasha's response.

The young demon seemed slightly disappointed with his answer. He kicked the dirt on the ground with his bare foot, suddenly very quiet. Sesshomaru rolled his eyes. He wasn't going to bend reality so his little brother could be happy. Lying was useless.

"The comet will most likely come soon, so let's go sit down." This caught Inuyasha's minuscule attention span and made him bright as ever again.

"Yeah! Come on!" The half demon took his elder's hand, being careful to avoid the sharp claws. He dragged his older brother to the spot he'd picked out that morning. They sat at the bottom of a small hill, reclining back on the piece of earth so they could watch the sky more easily. It was silent for a few minutes before Inuyasha's childhood got the best of him and he had to say something.

"Hey, when's the comer coming?"

Sesshomaru frowned, clenching his jaw. _Comet, you fool._

"I don't know." Sesshomaru sat up to smooth out his long silver hair. "That's why we're waiting." The lord had never been good with younger demons. They were so needy and fragile, one of the most annoying things to him. Inuyasha was definitely no exception.

Sesshomaru watched the sky again, noting the purple and black looked like water mixed with oil. His mind became distant and eyes glazed over as he stared at the brilliant scenery. He felt like he should be painting it, if only he were good at it. Suddenly, a ball of light flickered through his line of vision, startling him. Inuyasha's voice became audible again to his ears: "Look, look! Do you see it? The comer!"

Sesshomaru observed the orange and yellow ball of, seemingly, fire. It was really pretty, he had to admit. He didn't know what else to say about it. He was glad he hadn't missed it, though. He felt Inuyasha jumping up and down next to him as the comet disappeared over the horizon. It wouldn't come again for maybe three thousand years.

Sesshomaru stood, getting ready to leave and go to bed until he felt a tug at his black hakama. "Do you think I could be a comer someday?" Inuyasha asked in a quiet voice, being completely serious. It almost made Sesshomaru chuckle.

"I wanna shoot across the sky and fly away, just like that one. I wanna be bright and shine no matter what the weather is. And…" Inuyasha paused looking up at the lord with big honey-colored eyes. "I'm sure if I were a comer, I would still come to see you, Sessho."

Sesshomaru flinched. Not because of that stupid nickname, but because of the warmth he'd felt for a moment. He put his hand over his chest. Sesshomaru turned away; such childhood innocence was idiotic. And yet…

"If you want, I'll become a comet, too. We can fly together."

He was a child, he wouldn't remember later anyway.

* * *

**_Well that was rather cutesy. I was trying to write a really depressing and intense fic and I was listening to this Bleach ending about a comet. So the sadness turned out all wrong and I had to get rid of it, maybe I'll try again and listen to a different song...Well anyway, I decided I should get something down so I made this with that Bleach ending in mind. I think it's called Houkiboshi (which means comet I think). So I hope you enjoyed the fluffiness of the chapter! By the way, I didn't update this time because I was upset. I'm quite content actually.._**

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	16. Discussion at the Table

The normal quiet settled over the dinner table, as it did every night when Inuyasha and Sesshomaru ate. The lord hardly ever felt like sparing his younger brother the grace of his words and Inuyasha knew better then to say anything to his elder before he spoke first. So there was silence once again besides the clink of utensils and plates.

Inuyasha suddenly squirmed in his seat and Sesshomaru's heightened senses easily picked up on his nervousness. It was like feeling a thunderstorm in your bones before it hits. The Western Lord wondered for just a moment if this was going to be a violent storm. He placed his fork down and raised his pointed eyes.

"Little brother?" A slightly irritated voice carried itself over the table to the other side where the other inu sat wriggling. He used as few words as possible to convey his bit of curiosity caused by annoyance.

The hanyou twitched, hearing himself being addressed in an almost affectionate way. If it had been anyone but Sesshomaru, it wouldn't have bothered him so much. "What?" He chose to take the innocent-until-proven-guilty route.

"Well, you know perfectly well what. I'm the one who would like to know what this what is." Sesshomaru blinked, realizing he sounded a bit odd. He pushed that thought to the back of his mind, shaking his head. "Now explain."

Inuyasha averted his eyes from that stone-cold gaze, looking like he was mulling over a long overdo thought in his mind. Sesshomaru was about to say forget it when he was taking too long, but an answer stopped him. "Well, I always wondered…if it's so important in a demon's life, why can't we be mates?"

The lord stared. _Why not…?_

His legs took over and he was at the other end of the table in a second. Inuyasha stood up to meet his body. Sesshomaru dipped his head, wrapping his arms around the half breed's waste. Their lips met once…twice…again and again, reaching for any possible friction from the other. It didn't matter what they were doing, as long as they were touching.

Sesshomaru kissed his brother quickly, faintly tasting chicken rice and spices from the meal. He slicked his tongue over Inuyasha's, teasing. He moved south along the tan expanse of a neck, giving nips and apologetic butterfly kisses. He came to the junction of Inuyasha's shoulder and neck, the customary spot for a mating mark. _Why not?_ He leaned down to trace the skin with his lips…

The full demon blinked, remembering where he was. He was still sitting at the table and his brother was still waiting for an answer. By now Inuyasha had an expectant look on his face. Sesshomaru couldn't figure out what to say so he simply stood and went to the other end of the table brusquely.

Inuyasha raised a gray-white brow as the elder neared him. A hand came flying through the air, connecting with Inuyasha's check hard and fast. "Agh!"

"My mating is too important to share it with you." The lord walked out of the Dining Hall without giving anything away, leaving a bruised cheek behind.

* * *

**_Wow, I'm sorry this took me forever and a day to complete! I've been so busy lately between family, friends, and work. This idea literally came to me this morning, too. I have another one and I'm working on writing it out as soon as possible. Thank you for your patience! I hope this will be updating soon.. I've kind of been trying to write about different animes for variety. Fruits Basket, Gravitation, Godchild, Saiyuki... I got a lot on my plate!_**

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	17. Final Battle

Theme: The Final Battle

Rating: T

_I was sinking. My whole body, heart and soul, was definitely sinking. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel about this, and that would certainly be the death of me. I was finally given the chance to beat you for good. We would never have to fight again because you would be gone. I know I'm supposed to feel good about that…but that's the exact reason I'm forced to be sad. _

_Never seeing you again…could I live that way?_

Swords clashed ceremoniously, the echo ringing off each tree lining the small clearing. Growls ripped through throats as claws scratched into flesh. The two brother's stood alone in their fight: Inuyasha had told his friends to stay away for safety and Sesshomaru had chosen to merely wander off from his group to return later.

Both demons never missed a step in the battle. Neither stayed on the attack or defense for long. Despite all the bloodshed and insults, they were almost even in power it seemed. Something held the half demon back, though.

_How did it lead to this?_ He thought as he arched his body to dodge a swipe at his abdomen. The two swords that once belonged to the same dog demon crushed together again, faces of the fighters now close for each to speculate. Inuyasha looked upwards slightly from his split open knuckles into dark golden eyes. They were fierce with hatred and loathing. The intent to kill was evident in those normally unyielding eyes.

…_Can I kill you?_

"You were never fit to wield father's sword, halfling. Give it to me and die!" Sesshomaru's lips formed words as a drop of blood trickled out the corner.

The two pushed apart abruptly, landing far away from the other. They stood watching, panting for air. Sesshomaru glared, baring his fangs at the only half sibling he had ever known. The younger simply stared at his elder, wondering what should happen next. _Would you care if you killed me? Do you mind?_

The gray-haired hanyou smirked. No, this full demon had never felt anything for any one being in this world. He wouldn't even flinch if he killed his own blood relative. _Bat an eyelash for me, won't you?_

They ran forward, charging at one another for what seemed to be the last time in this battle. The swords in hand glowed brilliantly red and blue. And as they grew closer, Inuyasha could have sworn he noticed it just before their weapons connected: the Lord of the West blinked and looked up into his face.

**……………………**

_I want to see us in a different way, so that we can be together in my mind. This small, pitiful thing, does it look important to you? It's my heart… And yet I know if you saw these things, you still wouldn't care._ _**Bat an eyelash for me, would you?**_

He was swimming in and out of consciousness. That last blow must have really gotten him good…He was too distracted with what he thought he saw, he hesitated at the last moment. Had Sesshomaru done that to trick him? What an idiotic mistake…

_How stupid am I? And yet through all this I can feel hope lightly shining in my heart, like a pair of crystalline eyes. Yes, truly my caring feelings for you may never fade. And like a star blinking in and out in the darkness of night, I tell myself I can be happy for you._

It was like he couldn't remember anything except this moment…What was happening to him? Is this what death was like? Where was Sesshomaru? Everything was blurry…

_I feel it strongly in my heart, like a warm bird, jumping from the nest for the first time to fly in a cold world. I never want to let you go…_

He breathed a gulp of air into his dry lungs and opened his eyes in surprise. He was looking up into the sky, with all the clouds. It didn't even look like it was going to rain…

_And just like a cloud, you seem to be rolling in and out of my reach, never returning as the same. But the reality of the matter is, you were only ever out of the way of my fingertips._

Sesshomaru stood behind him; he could sense it now that he was fully conscious. Inuyasha didn't feel like craning his neck back just to get a look at him though. His blood, he could feel it draining out of the large and small cuts that adorned his body. The previous one had pushed right through his stomach. His eyelids were heavy and he was dizzy and nauseated.

He had lost.

_Part of me is afraid I'll never reach you…_

The stoic lord raised his Toki-jiin slowly as it steamed from the other blows he had delivered. He frowned down at his brother, not thinking anything else on it. Inuyasha couldn't move; there was nothing he could do to save himself.

_…The other part knows I never will._

Inuyasha continued to stare upward at the sun setting on the horizon. _I'm glad…_ He smiled, just a little. _I'm so glad I didn't have to kill you._

The sword plunged down deep into its target, crimson drops splattering the ground around the demons. Inuyasha was limp and empty as everything fled to darkness.

* * *

**_OK, so I would have updated sooner, but my internet has been out for a week because of a lightening storm. Sorry for the extra wait! There's a lot of thoughts in this one. Honestly, they're all mine on a certain someone. I'm glad I can get it out without having to be me at the same time. I'm in the middle of the next chapter, so it _**should **_be up soon. That's what I said last time so I can't make any promises --;; I've also been pretty busy so... I hope you guys aren't getting angry with my lack of updates, but come on! It's summer!_**

**_-PL_**


	18. Mysterious Activities

Theme: Mysterious Activities

Rating: M

_The house is unusually quiet tonight..._ Sesshomaru thought as he led Inuyasha by the hand through the halls of the castle. He idly thought about the rough stone under his feet as he walked. He and his brother wore their navy blue night robes, considering how dark it was getting. His little brother lightly tugged on his long sleeve every now and then to get his attention.

"Onii-chan, where's momma and papa?" The younger demon said innocently with wondering gold eyes.

Sesshomaru groaned inwardly and rolled his eyes. _Why are children so attached to their parents? Almost obsessed?_ It was so idiotic. Sesshomaru couldn't remember a time when he needed anyone so much. Inuyasha could never go to sleep at night without having his mother and father tuck him in and say their goodnights.

Nevertheless, the teen full demon put on a fake, cheery face (or as much of one as he could muster) to make his brother feel comfortable (and not cry annoyingly like the baby he was). "I do not know right now, but I will make sure one of the servants finds them for you, ok?"

They walked a bit further in silence when a maid girl passed by with duster in hand. Sesshomaru stopped her with orders to tell his parents to go to Inuyasha's room for bed. She nodded with a small smile on her face, making her loose curls bob, and ran off to fulfill her duties with a pat to Inuyasha's head.

The half breed once again took his elder's clawed hand in his grip and they finished their walk to Inuyasha's bedroom. "Here." Sesshomaru took Inuyasha under his arms and lifted him into the air. He swung the younger around for a moment, eliciting a few giggles and light scratches to his wrists. The silver-haired demon lay the smiling other down on the bed and pulled the covers up to his shoulders.

Inuyasha stared for a moment and then frowned displeasingly. "Sessho, where are they? Aren't momma and papa coming to say good night?" Sesshomaru was beginning to wonder the same thing himself.

"I'm sure they'll be here in a few moments. Just wait for them." The older brother stood to leave the side of the tiny bed, hoping to get some sleep now that his job was done.

"Wait! Can't you stay with me, onii-chan?" Inuyasha's distress calls reached his turned back and made him stop in his tracks. He sighed, planting a hand on his hip. He had no intention of waiting patiently for his father and stepmother. At the same time, he would also be scolded if he left and they came to find Inuyasha bawling.

So the inu turned around and walked back to the boy. "Come on. We will go and find them." _What happened to that maid? Isn't she supposed to be doing this?_ The elder led Inuyasha out of his room.

Sesshomaru strode swiftly down the long hallways to their parents' room, with Inuyasha jogging and fumbling to keep up to his pace. They slowed down as the wooden sliding doors came nearer. Sesshomaru stopped and was about to knock on the door as Inuyasha jumped up and down excitedly next to him.

Suddenly his pointed ears twitched as they picked up on voices coming from inside. Now it wasn't like him to eavesdrop, but these noises sounded unfamiliar. They were his parents, no doubt, but...

He pressed the side of his head to the door, Inuyasha of course doing the same naively. It was quiet inside for a minute until --

"A-ah!" Panting, shifting, more panting. "Agh, please don't tease.."

Sesshomaru blinked slowly. _That was Izayoi._ What was going on in there? He was sure he'd been in this situation before when he was a few years younger. When he tried to get in, the door was locked. He had asked about it the next day over breakfast and his father had stuttered for a long time before changing the subject. They sounded like they were doing something interesting, but for some reason they never included him. He listened again.

"Mm, that's nice.." His father's voice. "..but my lower regions need your attention as well." A tiny chuckle.

The older brother moved away from the door a moment. Inuyasha copied him once again and stood expectantly looking at him. Maybe since their parents weren't going to include them, he and Inuyasha could do this mysterious thing together? But he still needed to know what it was...something about lower regions?

"...your tongue is...ah...ugh..."

Sesshomaru smirked; that was enough to figure it out. He looked to his little brother. "Would you like to do something fun?" He said while leaning to Inuyasha's level.

The hanyou smiled widely. "Yeah!" Sesshomaru sat down and made him lay on the floor. _Lower regions and tongue._ He wondered why his parents liked this so much. Maybe he would just have to try it to see.

He untied Inuyasha's robe, complete trust evident in both of the boys. He stuck out his tongue and lightly licked along Inuyasha's waist, under his navel. The younger stiffened instantly, curling his toes in. Sesshomaru sat up alarmed, "What's wrong?"

Inuyasha shook his head. "Do that again, Sessho." He went down again, listening to the voices at the same time. He licked at Inuyasha's stomach, deciding to leave small kisses every now and then.

"Oh! Lower...please...suck..."

Sesshomaru thought it over quickly before determining what to do. He dipped his head lower, coming to his brother's growing manhood. _Suck._ The elder put his lips around it, taking the whole thing into his mouth. He sucked on it hard to make sure he did it right. When he heard rough breathing, he glanced up to see if Inuyasha was enjoying this.

His brother was sweating, digging his tiny nails into the floor. His eyes were shut and he was muttering: "more...I want more of this feeling...Sessho..."

He wondered what else he could do to make this better for his brother. Then he realized he partially liking this as well; he could feel a tingly feeling deep in the pit of his stomach. It felt like an overload of butterflies. He swirled his tongue around the tip, his hands coming to life and massaging Inuyasha's inner thighs.

"Nn!" His little brother hardened in the confines of his mouth and Sesshomaru was becoming aware of the small thrusts coming from Inuyasha's hips, begging for more. Suddenly a blast of salty liquid came from Inuyasha into his mouth. Startled, he swallowed the hotness quickly and pulled away. The half breed lay panting for a couple more minutes before he sat up to be cradled in his brother's lap.

Sesshomaru threw Inuyasha's robe over him like a blanket. He wasn't sure what to do next, until he felt himself craning to nuzzle his nose into the crook of Inuyasha's neck. He breathed in his scent calmly; listening to his brother's breathing getting softer and deeper.

The boy decided it was time to take Inuyasha back to his room. He seemed to be sleeping soundly. But at least now he understood why his parents couldn't include him: this type of activity was for two people only.

* * *

**_I guess Sesshomaru's supposed to be around 13 years old and Inuyasha is 6 or 7... I know that they're actually a lot farther apart in age than that, but I needed to change that for the purpose of this chapter. So I better not get flames complaining about age difference! That's kind of scary once you think about it... Sesshomaru just deluding a little kid's mind already. Anyway, I wanted to wait a while for more reviews on the previous chapter (only two?) because that's what really gives my inspiration! But I couldn't let this sit around; it bothers me. So I don't mean to be selfish, but I'd like a few more reviews...two is a bit depressing. Is anyone enjoying this at all?_**

**_-PL_**


	19. Worse Than A Fairytale

Theme: Worse Than A Fairytale

Rating: K+

"Lush green grass powdered with wild flowers. Pale blue and pink sky, just the beginning of a sunset. The first few twinkles of stars coming into view. A light and gentle breeze. It was the mark of a perfect day spent together."

_Not alone…_

Why couldn't real life be like the one in this picture book? The half demon ran the palm of his hand over the page, searching for the mid-summer night warm weather splashed across the story. A frown tilted his lips as a claw and a gloomy thought accidentally nicked part of the picture. He wanted smiles. He wanted laughter. He wanted something he could trust.

"A few simple, but precious, words exchanged. Pink lips molding together in a sweet, innocent kiss. Hands seeking out fingers to grasp affectionately."

_I want all of this…everything._

Who got to choose which people were lonely and sad all their life and which people were lucky and loved? Fate? A god? Cupid?

_It's unfair._

His knuckles paled to white as he held the hardcover tightly. _Was he going to cry?_

Inuyasha stared at the book, flipping through the colorful pages once again to the last.

"A genuine smile with an honest vow. Joyful whispers of appreciation. Darkness and a bright moon. A happy couple. A happy ending."

_Is it always so fake?_

Even if it was fake, he knew he wanted it. Just one ripple to be content. Why can't everyone have their own happily-ever-after?

The book was slammed shut, crushing and killing the fictitious lovers, and thrown across the room.

* * *

**_This one is rather short...but don't worry, I have another one coming soon. It's written up and everything! I got this picture book idea from a manga called Gentleman's Alliance Cross. It's pretty good actually, just a bit sad. So can we tell I'm back to being depressing? A lot has happened so maybe I'll be writing more? Anyway, the title from this chapter isn't mine. It's a song from Drop Dead, Gorgeous. Listen to them some time! _**

**_-PL_**


	20. Moments

When I'm with you, I am new. I am reborn into a better place, a better time. I can finally be me, the person I've constantly aspired to be with all my might. I don't feel the social pressure anymore. The air is suddenly transparent, without tension or limits. I don't need to pretend. I can let out the person I've always been, and hopefully always will be. I never want that feeling to fade, leaving me to grasp blindly at the nebulous remains.

And when you're gone? Well then so am I. I'm a match that gets a blow right to the face and I'm frantically flailing to regain my flame, my composure. Time takes its ultimate control and it's ticking away in my head. There never is enough time, is there? I change and turn into the person I feel these people want me to be. These strangers have their expectations and stereotypes. Don't we all? Is it so terrible a mistake? The real me falls away, like a snake's outer skin. And I am accepted.

You know me. Only you know me.

And even though my time is spent mostly with strangers, those tiny hours, those minuscule moments are still there. Those gifts are how I live, time to time. Even if my mind only just recaptures what it felt like to be familiar to myself, to you, again, that's fine. I don't think it's possible to completely forget what we are like together.

* * *

_**I'm not ready just yet to face the totally blank and infinite screen once again. I can't do it by myself…and yet I certainly can't use the help of others.  
-PL**_


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